Want to know the meaty bits from this week’s Sam Bankman-Fried trial?
Well, here you go.
FBI Agent Busick, The Human Lie Detector (Not Really)
Ah, the courtroom—a place where the drama is thicker than the air. FBI Agent Richard Busick, the man of the hour, took the stand with a face so stoic, you’d think he was auditioning for a role in a noir film. But let’s not kid ourselves; the jury was more interested in him than a crypto trader eyeing a bullish chart. And yes, we had a resident napper in the jury box. Must be nice.
So how did the Feds get their hands on Sam Bankman-Fried’s (SBF) number? Well, it turns out the Prime Minister of the Bahamas’ son wanted to chat about NFTs. Because, you know, that’s what world leaders’ kids do these days. The number’s out there, but don’t bother calling; SBF probably won’t pick up.
The AT&T Chronicles: Where Was SBF Dining?
In his infinite wisdom, Agent Busick analyzed AT&T cell data to track SBF’s culinary adventures. The prosecution played a game of “connect the dots,” linking SBF’s emails and his phone’s GPS coordinates. Spoiler alert: He wasn’t at McDonald’s.
On March 3, 2022, SBF was wining and dining with New York Mayor Eric Adams. In September, he was schmoozing with Governor Kathy Hochul. And four days later, he was off to meet “President Clinton. Anthony Scaramucci also made the invite list, but I have a feeling SBF had other “commitments.”
The Defense: “It’s Not What It Looks Like”
Christian Everdell, SBF’s attorney, countered with the groundbreaking defense that owning a phone doesn’t mean you’re the one using it. Shocking, I know. Busick agreed, and the defense rested. Next up, an accounting professor. Brace yourselves.
Nishad Singh, the prosecution’s star witness, had to answer for his $3.7 million house. The timing? Impeccable. Just days before FTX’s collapse. Singh admitted to contemplating resignation but never pulled the trigger. Instead, he bought a house. Priorities, people.
Singh was also the face of political donations, but not by choice. He was more like the reluctant poster child. Loans were involved, and Singh was ambiguous about repayment. Because who needs clarity when you’re dealing with millions, right?
The $8 Billion Bug
SBF’s lawyer, Mark Cohen tried to dig into the $8 billion bug but ended up confusing even the judge. SBF, visibly frustrated, probably wished he could trade his lawyer for a better one on some sort of legal exchange. Too bad that’s not how it works.
The Money Trail: A Political Soap Opera
Paige Owens, an FBI accountant who probably had to down a gallon of coffee to sift through Alameda and FTX’s bank statements. Why? To trace the political donations of Sam Bankman-Fried (SBF), Nishad Singh, and Ryan Salame. Spoiler alert: it’s a lot.
From January to April 2022, SBF’s Prime Trust account received a whopping $47 million from Alameda’s Prime Trust account. And where did this money go? To political action committees like Guardians Against Pandemics and Building a Stronger Future, both conveniently run by SBF’s family.
The Bahamas Connection: Thanks, FTX Customers!
SBF’s parents, Joe Bankman and Barbara Fried, bought a $16.4 million property in the Bahamas. It was likely purchased with customer funds. So, if you’re an FTX customer, you might as well start imagining your name on that property deed.
The Democratic PACs: A Generous Donor or a Political Puppet?
Nishad Singh, the former FTX head of engineering, also had his moment in the spotlight. His political donations were the star of his testimony. Singh received over $3 million from Alameda and FTX Digital Markets, which found its way to various PACs and campaign funds. Singh has already pleaded guilty to seven federal counts, including campaign finance violations. So, the drama thickens.
The FBI’s Two Cents: Money, Money, Money
The FBI confirmed that Ryan Salame, CEO of FTX Digital Markets, also had money wired to him for—you guessed it—political donations. Salame has pleaded guilty to a campaign finance violation. But here’s the kicker: the FBI couldn’t confirm how the funds got into Alameda’s bank accounts.
The Judge’s Patience: Running on Empty
Now, let’s talk about Cory Gaddis, the Google records custodian who was called to testify about metadata. Turns out he’s not a metadata expert. Even the judge called it “a joke.”
Judge Kaplan had enough. He was visibly frustrated with the lawyers and even told them they should do better. Kaplan’s patience was tested further when Christian Everdell, the defense attorney, rattled through his list of concerns way too fast.
The judge’s response? “I listen to 33 rpm records. Not 45.” For those born after the vinyl era, that means “slow down, buddy.”
The Prosecution’s Mishap: A Lunchtime Comedy
Lead Prosecutor Danielle Sassoon had a minor hiccup during lunch. She accidentally walked into the jury room and got some laughs. At least someone’s having fun in this courtroom drama.
The Terms of Service Comedy Show
Former FTX attorney Can Sun was grilled like a BBQ ribeye over FTX’s terms of service. You know, that thing you pretend to read before clicking “I Agree”? Apparently, FTX promised to treat your assets like a mama bear treats her cubs. This is the same document that the government claims Alameda Research used as a roadmap to your wallet.
Mark Cohen, the lawyer for Sam Bankman-Fried (SBF), tried to poke holes in this narrative. He was like a cat chasing a laser pointer, focusing on the margin trading section. He wanted to know how many FTX users were actually living on the edge with risky trades.
Cohen then shifted gears to the account liquidation clause. You know, the one that says you could lose it all if the liquidity providers decide to take a nap. Sun had no response. Maybe he was pondering the meaning of life, or maybe he just didn’t read that part. Who knows?
The Alameda Exemption Mystery
Cohen also probed Sun about Alameda’s “get out of jail free card”—an exemption from auto-liquidation. Sun found out about this little gem in late 2022 and asked for it to be axed. But SBF and FTX co-founder Gary Wang were like, “Nah, we’re good.” Sun didn’t resign until he found out that Alameda could also play Monopoly with customer funds. Talk about a delayed reaction.
The Apollo Snub and the $7 Billion Oopsie
Sun also had a tête-à-tête with Apollo Global about a potential investment. Apollo was like, “Show me the money,” and Sun was like, “Oops, we’re $7 billion short.” Apollo noped out faster than you can say “financial disaster.”
SBF, in a media interview, tried to use margin trading as a smokescreen. Sun told the court that this was like using a water gun to put out a forest fire. It just doesn’t add up.
The Side Show: Third Point’s Regret
Robert Boroujerdi of Third Point, who invested $60 million in FTX, now values it at a whopping “zero.” He wasn’t told about Alameda’s special privileges, which he says would’ve been a deal-breaker.
That’s all for this week!